Don’t let it get you down, now is not the time

I don't breathe much lately. I literally find myself almost snapping back into some sort of consciousness and feeling as though I have been holding my breath for the prior two minutes. Sleep, on the other hand, has unexpectedly been coming around easier. I can only guess that the echoes inside my empty chest cavity make for something of a lullaby. Everything that has happened to me in the last two-three weeks has just been too overwhelming for words. Everyday I learn more and more about time. How fast it moves. How little of it I have. How little time I make for the small, handful of people who really care about me.
I'm sorry that lately I have been selfish, naive, and scared. I've expected far too much from myself. I've felt uneasy in my skin as though its squeezing my insides far too tightly, but I've been doing my damnedest to keep the control.
I guess my point is hard to explain. Some days I'm ridiculously proud of myself for who I'm becoming. I figure if I don't give myself credit who in the hell will. Then other days I feel so sad about where I am and where I seem to be going. I just want something new. I just want something that makes me feel alive. Is that just a bit too much?