Its summertime and the living hasn’t gotten any easier

Lately, my heart is literally beating faster than I ever knew possible. And lately, bridges around me have been crashing faster and harder than I ever could have imagined. And me...I'm just standing by the wayside, my mixed feelings in tow, trying to catch my breath, while pleading with someone, anyone to assure me that all the choices I've made are right. That these are the choices that will lead me to my goals, to my happiness. I'm just trying to believe that the really good things aren't suppose to be easy to let go and also that just because something is good doesn't always make it the right thing. Here I go again, just trying to make any excuse, any rationalization to comfort myself. I want to believe that I'm right about everything that I do or have done, but the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach right now is screaming that I've been very wrong on more than one occasion. I'm so tired of fucking shit up. I'm so tired of regret. I'm so tired of talking about all these goddamn changes and not doing anything about it.

You are what you love, not what loves you back

What I wouldn't give to make a quick, clean getaway right now...
I am far too weak to handle any of the things life has thrown at me lately.
I always want to just sleep right through all the tough parts and wake when things have settled.
For one of the few times in my life, I am admittedly being 100% selfish. I'm taking as much control as I can capture of this life because I'm fed up with it running me. I'm fed up with regrets. I'm fed up with these thoughts that keep me awake at night. I'm not trying to wake up from this dream. I'd much rather wake up to one.

I was blind before I met you

Tonight was a night that I never could have so much as dreamed up in my mind. Every minute or so I remind myself, "Lacie. Breathe. Lacie. Breathe. Seriously. You're going to have to breathe." Something that has basically been a part of my daily thoughts for the last year has been brought to the surface again. I've rehearsed things in my mind to say, all the while thinking I'd never get the chance to say even half of it. The words pushed their way through my quivering lips. My mind knowing those words would change very little. My heart hoping with everything it has that they would.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. The only way out is by dynamite. The trigger is in your hands. Stop letting life happen to you. Take responsibility for your actions, your life, your happiness.
I love you.
I miss you.
Too much.