oh that gal can ramble

Today I came to realize that the ground beneath my tiny size 5 and a halves seems to have far greater of an impact on me than I can ever have on it...and I'm completely okay with this. Because if every place I walk continues to leave it's mark on me, and if even half of my dreams come true then I can't wait to see the person I'll become.
I'm constantly allowing for change, allowing for the things around me to shape who I am, who I'm becoming. The day I stop allowing for changes in myself will be the day I die. The problem is I'm such a mess it's hard to tell where to start. And I've continued to isolate myself lately. In my thoughts, in my adventures. The people who surround me just make me feel I'm better off with my fists clenched tightly, huddled low in the corner of my room waiting for the next sneak attack than out in the open with little to no armor to protect me from the constant flow of deceit-filled arrows plunging towards me.
I'm looking for something tangible. something true.
I'm looking to find out if this actually exists somewhere out there.
I need to know it exists.

these waves come crashing harder every night

Dear girl,
Despite your constantly clenched, anger-filled fists, it's a guarantee that this town will kill you long before you will ever kill it. These puppet-like people who reside around you will never be for you and you will never be good enough for them. Stop attempting to settle. Stop the lies you tell yourself. Stop putting yourself through the bullshit. Suck it up. Get through it as quickly and as clean as possible. The world awaits you, and we can't have you going out into it as some frail little child. Hold yourself together.

mistakes i knew i was making

I think that experience simply being a name we give our mistakes is all too true. Although, truth be told, I suppose I've gone looking for a little more experience today. The last time was the last time? HA. sure. Maybe I'm beating a dead horse, but even when I get just an inkling that the horse might not be dead I insist on beating it once again for reassurance. I'm nothing more than a wishful thinker with unreal intentions. I'm strapping in for this one early. When the ride starts I'm afraid it'll never stop or, worse, just derail. Either way I'm in for quite the experience.

I wake up here everyday in this god damn place I won't wait here anymore

I had no idea...I had no idea that within these tiny little fists this much hate still existed for this town. I mean, i knew i hated it. I knew I mistrusted it. Hell, i still knew how capable it was of killing me, but i thought for sure i had it under control. I thought i had learned to accept it for the fucked upness that it is in all of its glory. I thought i was making my greatest attempt to 'make the best of it'. I failed. I failed myself for sure, because how could I ever think i could cover up all of the emotions this entailed. At what point did I ever think I'd be able to just accept all of the ignorance? All of the stagnation? The up side is I believe I've finally been able to make a decision that I've been toying with...summer school can go fuck itself! I need my summer to make money. I need my summer to make a getaway. For a girl who's as faithless as they come, I sure could use a savior right about now.

Tear down the house that I grew up in. I'll never be the same again.

I'm currently completely obsessed with this band and even more with this song.