I only know that I am better where you are

I’ve wanted to write for a while now. I have made attempts, but had difficulties getting my thoughts in order. Story of my life…always so unsure of myself, unsure of my future, unsure of my decisions.

Then you came along and became the thing I was most sure of. I could have made a list on new years of everything I wanted in a boyfriend and I can make a list now of everything you are to me and they would be spitting images of each other. You are everything I have wanted. You are just what I needed. Without even trying you have managed to bring out in me things that no one else has. You have given me a comfort that I had never been capable of feeling. I have never felt that I needed anyone else to be fulfilled, but when you pulled me to the surface I realized how much deeper I could breathe.

I want to know everything about you. I want to listen to your stories and learn about all the things that made you who you are. I want to know all your hopes and dreams. I want to combine them with my own and together make them a reality.

I want to be the most amazing girlfriend to you because that is what you deserve. I want to go on more adventures with you, I want to lend my support to you when needed, I want to have full trust and faith in you, and I just want to love you. I enjoy every minute I spend with you no matter what we are doing and I miss you terribly when I am away from you. Our situation is not ideal, but it is far from impossible and I think we are doing a fairly good job so far. The sacrifices are worth it to me. You are worth it to me.

“You make every day feel like kindergarten.”

In other news:

Today I did my graduation audit to further confirm that I am, in fact, only 3 classes away from possessing a bachelor’s degree. It’s so fucking scary. I’m scared of the real world. I’m scared of my plans not coming together [which has been a reoccurring theme in my life]. I’m scared of making poor decisions that would ultimately cause me to fall on my face.

I cry a lot lately. I cry at the sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch of just about anything. I’m crying right now in short spurts. I highly considered buying some st. john’s wort at whole foods the other day, but, aside from not having much money, I don’t feel depressed. I feel overwhelmed, stressed, unmotivated, and panicky, but not sad. I desperately hope that closing the book on my 4^th year of college will help subside some of these feelings