i won't wait here anymore.

Every bone in my body is screaming that something is rotten in Denmark. And if every single bone in my body were to be wrong then what use would I have for such a thing. It has never steered me so wrong in the past so I have no reason to doubt it now. I am done with several things as of now. The first, I am done questioning what I can do to be a better girlfriend. I am done spending so much time trying to come up with things to do to make you feel like I’m the best. Do you ever have the slightest desire to prove the same to me? No. Never. In fact, as far as 'just thinking about/loving you' acts go they are few and far between. Ok, they are virtually non-existent. It’s clear you’ll never feel i am the best for you and that is unfair to us both because I know tons of guys who would think I was the best and there’s obviously certain girls that you would feel the same about. The next thing I am done with is the delusion that I was playing for keeps. Just because I have made massive steps with you that I wouldn’t have dreamt of taking for or with anyone else doesn’t mean they are the last. I am beginning to believe that maybe this is just some warm up for someone who will treat me like a prized possession instead of some common place thing that just happens to be around. Myspace has asked me who I wanted to meet and I have had the same answer for quite some time, but tonight I am inspired to change it. Who would I like to meet? I would like to meet someone who loves me. I would like to meet someone who has come to terms with their past. I would like to meet someone who never lets me walk away whether it be physically or emotionally. I would like to meet someone who looks at me and thinks they wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to meet someone who can be honest with me about anything, someone who is open with me about who they are and where they have been; someone who has plans for the future with intentions to make those plans happen, someone who can't fall asleep if i'm in the next room upset, someone I can be with that doesn’t make me feel so alone. I'm tired of drowning. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being powerless in my own life. I'm tired of all the backlash that comes with attempting to incorporate my life with that of another's. i thought one of the biggest things i had learned from this was how to not be selfish. i guess i just did everything opposite of what you did for that one.